our ways are not His ways....

As I set this morning, I reflect over the past 7 weeks of my life.  How much we have been through.  I think about the emotional roller coaster we are still on.  I remember the initial shock as if it were happening right now.  I can still feel the lump in my throat and the nerves in my stomach just bring me to my knees.  I can remember the loneliness and isolation I felt.  I find myself still dealing with emotions and sometimes wanting to scream out and then immediately turning to tears.  I remember how cold and alone I was as I waited to go home.  I remember worrying about money, pride, home, reputation, job, career, and a host of other things running through my mind.  It was at that very moment I heard God clearer than I have ever heard Him before..."None of that matters..."

Something inside me broke that very instant.  God began to speak to me in a way I never knew possible.  You see, when He is all you have and all you may end up with, He is more than enough.  I laid there secluded from the world not knowing any outcome or what the future held for me.  I knew I was innocent, God knew I was innocent, and my family knew I was innocent.  What God revealed to me in my darkest hour was, He was enough.  I started talking to Him and discussing what did matter.  He began to reveal to me what was between me and Him making Him unable to work in my life.  He began to reveal to me why He needed to get my attention.  It was not pretty.  It was not politically correct.  It was the cold hard TRUTH.  I was a "sinner christian", hypocrite, or just a church goer! I sang the song we know, "I'll go to the darkest places, I'll go to the hurting faces, I'll go to the orphaned children, I'll go to the world they live in..." and then I would GO get in my car and GO eat lunch and GO back to the life I wanted to live and GO back to being a casual christian and GO back to being concerned about my needs and GO back to being what everyone expected me to be...... I had a plan to use God to get what I wanted.  He had a plan to use me to get what HE needed.  I had allowed so many things to get in between me and God, no wonder he needed to get my attention.  The crazy things was, it was every day sin that had become the norm.  I was so callused I had become accustomed to allowing sin to be a part of my daily routine.  I was broken and spill out before God.

My prayer to Him changed in an instant.  I began to pray for my wife.  I couldn't imagine what she was going through.  I prayed for Parker as he wondered why so many people were at our house and everyone was crying.  I prayed for Faith as she had no idea what was going on.  I prayed for Ethan and Emma that they would understand someday how powerful God is.  I prayed that they would depend on God and I prayed that I had been a good enough example for them to know who to turn too.  I began to  feel a peace and a presence I have never felt.

My life has been forever changed.  It will never be the same.  As I set here now, feeling much like Jonah as he was spit up on dry land.  I am pretty sure I know where my Ninevah is, but I know where I'll GO as soon as he gives the word...

My first Ninevah was my HOME....

There are 3 things I now strive to be the most important in my life....

1.  God
2.  Heather
3.  Parker, Faith, Ethan, & Emma

Its weird that my name is no longer on top....It's scary to think "I" stood in the way of my family, myself and what God needed of me.....

This is the scripture that got me through the tough times.  I read it every day for 7 weeks...I read it this morning...It still rings true and will forever....

Psalm 91

¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.^[a]
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

³ Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ “Because he^[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”